Finish the Year Soft, Not Strong: Why Women Need to Ditch Stoicism This December

Let me tell you something I used to pride myself on:
Getting my head down. Powering through. Being the strong one. The dependable one. The one who never kicked off, never crumbled, never said, “Actually, I’m struggling.”

And honestly?
I lapped up the praise.
“Oh, you’re amazing.”
“I don’t know how you do it.”
“You’re so strong.”

Back then it felt like a compliment.
These days… it’s a joke.

Because here’s the truth no one likes to say out loud:
Stoicism is absolutely rinsing women of their health — and December is the worst possible month to wear the ‘strong girl’ badge.

Stoicism isn’t strength. It’s self-neglect dressed up as grit.

Stoicism tells you to get on with it.
Don’t complain.
Don’t rest.
Don’t say no.
Smile politely.
Hold it all in.

But here’s the problem:
Your nervous system doesn’t give a toss about stoicism. It only cares about survival.

And December?
It’s a perfect storm:

• Extra emotional labour

• Invisible Christmas workload

• End-of-year deadlines

• Kids’ events

• Work socials

• Financial pressure

• And for many women — the creeping exhaustion you’ve been ignoring since September

We’re conditioned to “just keep going” because that’s what “strong women” do.

But what if strength isn’t what you actually need right now?

December is not the month to be strong — it’s the month to soften.

Here’s what I mean by soft, because some people will get triggered by that word:

Soft doesn’t mean weak. Soft means regulated. Present. In your body, not pushing past it. Available for joy, not buried under performance.

Soft means:

• Responding, not reacting

• Feeling, not suppressing

• Resting, not proving

• Asking, not absorbing everything silently

• Slowing down instead of sprinting into burnout

Softness is actually the harder choice.
Anyone can white-knuckle their way through December.
It takes courage to say: “I’m not doing that this year.”

Your body keeps the score — and December exposes the debt.

If you’ve spent months ignoring the signs…

• Tight chest

• Brain fog

• Snappy mood

• Zero patience

• Feeling flat or hollow

• Too wired to rest, too tired to function

• Living on caffeine and cortisol

…then December turns the dial up to 10.

Stoicism hides it.
Softness lets you process it.

You can either feel it as you go, or it will hit you like a freight train the minute you stop for Christmas.

And let’s be honest — most women crash on 27th December.
It’s not a coincidence.
It’s the cost of being “strong” for 12 months straight.

This year: finish soft, not strong.

Here’s what that looks like in real life:

1. Cancel something.

Not “shift it”.
Cancel it.

2. Lower the bar.

Good enough is good enough.
No one cares about perfect.

3. Say the sentence you hate saying: “I need help.”

You’re allowed it.

4. Prioritise slowness.

Walk slower.
Talk slower.
Breathe deeper.
Eat something warm.
This regulates your nervous system more than you think.

5. Protect your peace like it actually matters — because it does.

People can be disappointed.
You don’t have to be.

6. Let December be gentle.

It’s a liminal month.
A month for reflection.
A month for exhaling.

If you want to be strong in January… be soft now.

Strength that comes from recovery, rest and regulation is a different kind of strength altogether.

Stoicism is brittle — one crack and you’re done.
Softness is flexible — it bends, adjusts, responds.

And if there’s one thing women need this December, it’s permission to stop being the strong, stoic soldier and start being a human being again.

Soft.
Present.
Rested.
Ready.

Not worn out and wiped out.

Finish the year soft, not strong.