Can I just challenge that?

“Can I Just Challenge That?” – The Corporate Cop-Out That’s Got To Go

I’m sick of hearing it.

“Can I just challenge that?”

It’s become the go-to phrase in corporate meetings when someone wants to disagree but hasn’t figured out how to do it like an actual grown-up. Let’s be honest, it’s right up there with “No offence, but…” – which, let’s face it, is always followed by something offensive.

“Can I just challenge that?” isn’t assertive. It’s not helpful. It’s not even interesting anymore. It’s a tired phrase that’s lost any power it might have once had. And here’s the thing – it usually lands badly. It triggers people. It puts the whole room on edge. Why? Because it’s not about collaboration, it’s about dominance.

It’s often used as a get out of jail free card for whatever comes next – usually something defensive, condescending or just plain combative. And what really gets me is this: people who rely on that phrase usually think they’re being assertive or creating “healthy conflict”. Spoiler alert: they’re not.

They’re missing two key skills:
1. Assertiveness.
2. Influencing.

Let’s break them down.

Assertiveness: It’s Not About Being The Loudest Voice

Assertiveness isn’t about putting others down to make your point. It’s about owning your view with clarity and respect. It’s a calm confidence, not a confrontational jab. You don’t need to announce that you’re about to ‘challenge’ someone if you’re actually comfortable in your own skin. You just say what you think. Clearly. Kindly. Directly.

If you have to preface your opinion with “Can I just challenge that?”, it suggests you’re either unsure of yourself, or you know you’re about to bulldoze someone. Either way – not a good look.

Influencing: The Skill Everyone Thinks They Have (But Don’t)

True influence doesn’t come from ‘challenging’ in a boardroom tone with your arms folded. Influence is the ability to bring people with you. To shape thinking. To shift mindsets. It’s not about being the cleverest, or the one who ‘wins’ the argument. It’s about connection. It’s about trust. And guess what – it’s way more effective when it’s done with empathy, not ego.

Which brings me to this whole idea of “healthy conflict.”

Stop trying to dress up aggression in a power suit. Conflict, no matter how nicely you package it, still triggers most people. Especially in environments where psychological safety is already fragile. And for women, especially in leadership, it can feel like yet another round of having to brace ourselves.

We don’t need more conflict. We need more collaboration.

What If We Switched From Masculine To Feminine Energy?

If we leaned into feminine energy instead – intuition, empathy, deep listening, collective wisdom – we’d get much further. Instead of ‘challenging’, we’d be inviting in. We’d be asking, “Can we explore this together?” or “I see it differently – can I offer another angle?”

See the difference?

Feminine energy doesn’t dodge hard conversations – it just handles them with more grace. And it influences rather than intimidates.

So next time you’re about to drop the old “Can I just challenge that?” – pause. Ask yourself:

• Am I about to be helpful or just opinionated?

• Am I trying to open something up – or shut someone down?

• Could I say this in a way that builds connection instead of defensiveness?

We need to let go of these corporate phrases that no longer serve us. “Can I just challenge that?” might sound polished, but it’s past its sell-by date. It triggers people, it kills psychological safety, and frankly – it’s lazy communication.

You want to show up as a skilled leader? Then work on your assertiveness and influencing – not your ability to parrot whatever the latest corporate trend is.

Let’s ditch the bullshit and have better conversations.